By Chewy
Sports fans! I’m back baby. I just returned from a 12-day wolf hunting trip in Alaska where I froze my d**k off riding around on a snowmobile looking for wolves to shoot. Didn’t see a single one, however, I did manage to bag a wolverine, which was awesome and of course harkened me back to everyone’s favorite 1980 anti-Russian film, Red Dawn. For those of you too young to remember it, well it was the first time my boy Pat Swayze and Jen Grey (pre nose job) got together in a Hollywood hit, where they portray some high school kids who smoke Russians and write “Wolverines!” everywhere in red paint to strike fear in their enemies. Let’s hope this Russian war finishes with the same storybook ending and the Ukrainians dirty dance all over their invaders.
So I return from the edge of the world and come back to $6 gasoline, Will Smith beating up on poor Chris Rock over his wife’s haircut, Turkey (??!!) holding peace talks between Russia and Ukraine, and our f**king picks going 3-2. I mean seriously WTF is going on here. News like this makes me want to make like the NCAA women’s swimming officials. I’ll just stick my head up my own ass and hope everything turns out ok.
Six-dollar gas? Really? Thank God (Allah) we have our middle east allies helping us out (ehhh not so much). I saw an article where the Russkie oligarchs are fleeing to Dubai like the salmon of Capistrano. I can see President Biden picking up the phone to call one of the 10000 princes of Saudi Arabia..”Hey prince, how about maybe kicking that ol production up a notch”…..crickets.
Speaking of princes, Will Smith showed his royal ass by slapping comedian Chris Rock on live TV in front of Hollywood’s elites. I thought once you got your SAG card you swore off conflict of any kind? Or was that masculinity. But then Jada shaved her head so……I can’t keep up with whatever is trending with those folks. Chris Rock appears to have embraced passivity as his hands were seemingly in his pockets when he took that hit. I mean dude, the Fresh Prince walked all the way from his seat to you with nothing but bad intentions and SETI ears. Put your hands up man!
Now we have Turkey hosting the peace talks between Russia and Ukraine. This is like Hannibal Lecter inviting you over for a buffet. I mean Turkey has had enough domestic issues to make Ray Rice blush, not to mention its recent history of intervening in Syria, Iraq, and Libya (though with those neighbors, who can really blame them). I just got back from playing a golf tourney and it reminded me of the only Turk I know. He’s a four but I’ve never seen him play to anything less than a twelve. I mean, hey I love the guy, he’s my boy, but whenever we high five, I always count my fingers after, know what I’m saying? (Just kidding Vasko!). So good luck with those “peace” talks fellas, Turkey will probably walk out of those owning the entirety of the Eastern Slavs.
Finally, we get to our last week’s picks where we finished 3-2. Well like Lewy said, no one is 100% (but being at least 50% is nice). It’s not easy picking games as we all know and we had a decent run going. That being said, anyone can see winning the parlays is basically impossible so we are going to leave off the positive parlay and only stick with the small Costanza hedge parlay moving forward. This week’s picks are listed here.
Now lets f**king go and do what we do best: trying to fleece our bookies one bet at a time. Best of luck to you all this week on these hockey picks and any of your other bets. And remember, you can’t spend closing line value so get your bets in before you get too drunk (this is experience talkin!).
Picks for this week: Florida ML, Colorado ML, Boston ML, Carolina ML, Calgary PL
Click HERE for a detailed explanation on why we like the below picks of the week.
Last week’s results = +$25 (Single game picks 3-2, parlay pick 0-1, Costanza 0-1)
(FLA +$100, MIN +$100, CBJ/Minn Over -$100, VAN/DAL Over -$100, NJD/WASH Over +$100, Parlay -$50, Costanza -$25)
Our overall record can be seen HERE.
